Category Archives: And a Bit More

The Pony Express – Riding as One

They ride as one. Horse and rider committed to the speedy and safe delivery of the U.S mail working in harmony each doing what they do best.

Here’s what we can learn from watching this amazing teamwork. When we have a burning passion and an unflinching commitment to accomplish something beyond ourselves we must ride as one unit.  We can’t do it alone. Together we are strong and resilient.  And the Pony Express annual Re-Ride demonstrates exactly that.

Watching the 2012 Pony Express Re-Ride come through Northern Nevada in June was an incredible experience.  I had never seen it personally so when our Beer Club friend, Petra Keller, invited us to come watch her ride a portion of this famous trail I had to push the “yes” button.

And it gave me goose bumps to watch these beautiful and hardy horses carry their dedicated riders (from teens to80 years old) across miles and miles of Nevada desert. Each rider and horse takes a segment of the route which began this year in Sacramento on Wednesday, June 13th and ended in Saint Joseph, Missouri on Saturday, June 23rd.  They travel over the original Pony Express route (1966 miles) going through eight states.  600 volunteers coordinate the logistics and support for the horses and riders including the setup of an impressive communications system.

And where’s the mail?  That was interesting . . . the horse carries a 100 lb. leather mail bag called a “mochila”. The mochila has 4 compartments and lifts up and over the saddle to be as balanced as possible.  Transferring it from one horse to the next is much like watching the Olympic Torch being handed off from runner to runner.  But it’s even better because you are watching two horses and two riders working closely together to help each other accomplish this tricky but quick and efficient transfer.

So think about this . . . if there is something really important to you that you are passionate about accomplishing resist the temptation to be the Lone Ranger.  Instead, look for a solid team mate that will put in the hard work, the long miles and the serious sweat to deliver the goal.  Or in the case of the Pony Express to deliver the mail!

 

 

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Weathering the Storm in an Outhouse

Now this was a stroke of genius or maybe it was pure survival. I loved this story but more importantly the lesson it gives us on how to survive the many storms in our lives.  My take-away . . . we definitely need to practice more “out-of-the-box” or in this case “in the outhouse” thinking!

In June 2012,  41 young college ROTC cadets on a training exercise are caught in a torrential rain storm in the woods of Fort Lewis, WA.  The storm had come on so fast and so strong that the cadets didn’t have their wet weather gear with them or even where they could get back to their packs. The cadets were quickly soaked to the bone and freezing with the nighttime temperatures dropping to 15 degrees.

To try and get some kind of protection, they first formed tight circles with the smallest cadets in the middle.  My niece, Meghan, at 103 lbs, was encircled but the rain and cold was too much.  There was no shelter . . . except for a bunch of outhouses in a row in among the trees.  And then someone had an idea . . .

So with a quick count-off, the cadets divided themselves up into groups of four and into the outhouses they went.  Ten outhouses x 4 = 40 cadets in from the storm.  But what happened to the 41st cadet?  One of those outhouses must have been really stuffed.  In a quick phone call, I asked Meghan how did all those big guys fit in those very small outhouses?  No time to be fussy . . . two stood on the bench and two on either side of the toilet. And that 41st cadet probably had to straddle the toilet seat. Not a pretty sight or smell.

But when the rain had slowed, all ten outhouse doors popped open at the same time and the young ROTC cadets marched smartly out in formation having weathered this storm in a most unique way.  Of course, hopefully they marched straight back to their barracks for hot showers.

Still exhausted from 17 days out in the field and an immediate turn around to her next assignment in Korea, Meghan wasn’t seeing the humor in this experience.  But she will when she gets home and drys out from the typhoon coming through Fort Casey (NW South Korea) as I write this.  Home is going to look really good to her.

And our hats off to our young military volunteers for their service, commitment and good sense when weathering the many storms in our lives.  Thank you for all that you do!

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Planes, Trains & New York Cabs

It’s an early, early Southwest morning flight from Reno, NV to the East Coast but it is one that I do many times a year now that daughter, Barbara and son, Davis, go to college out in New York and my twin sister, Diane, lives in Boston.

But I really should learn not to go in the middle of a hot, humid summer.  It’s always an “historic” heat wave exactly when I’m due to arrive.  And during the winter, it’s always the “worst storm in the century”.  But plans are plans.  So yes, I’ll be on those planes, trains and in lots of yellow cabs this July 4th holiday week.

I will be thinking of you all as I’m doing laps around Times Square searching for an air conditioned coffee shop or a cool, dark bar for a frosty beer. Can I sneak an underage daughter in?  You bet, if I’m desperate enough!  But I can tell you that I’ll be avoiding the subway system (despite daughter’s protests) because I always seem to get in the one that gets stuck underground.  Those yellow cabs are worth every penny in my humble, older and wiser opinion.

Power outrages?  Stuck in an elevator?  I better avoid those too. I’m a bit claustrophobic which I blame on my twin sister, Diane, who is 100x worse than me.  Now that’s not a pretty sight . . . two twins stuck on an elevator in downtown New York City during a heat wave.  I actually would feel sorry for anyone stuck with us.  First, we would chat them up until their eyes glazed over.  Since both of us are social workers and psychotherapists we can find lots to talk about in someone’s family history – whether they want to or not.

Then we would move on to solving the world’s problems which could keep us entertained for hours.  We could also try and learn how to work our fancy IPhones since we would have lots of uninterrupted time.  I don’t know if cell phones work in a NYC long, tall elevator or not.  But if they do, we could work our way down our contact lists just calling to say hello to all our old friends who are not stuck in an elevator.  By the time we’re done with all that, the NYC fire department would be a very welcome sight . . .  for both us and our fellow elevator hostages.

So off to pack up those bags for another East Coast adventure.  Have a wonderful festive July 4th holiday week.  Just don’t get on those subways or elevators – stick to the yellow cabs!

 

 

 

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What Do People Hear? 7 Tips to Say It

It’s not what we say but rather what people hear.  And I love this picture for showing us the power of non-verbal communication.  Both this little girl and delightful dog are communicating with not a word between them.  But they know what they both are saying . . . “I see you and I care about you”.

What people hear – not the words said – is what makes communication so challenging.  How often we find ourselves saying “But I told him!”  And then he says “But that’s not what I heard!”  Sounds familiar?!  But how do we fine-tune those communication skills?

So here’s the answer . . . use language (verbal or non-verbal) that accurately conveys what you want the other person to hear and understand.  Sounds simple but it actually takes self-awareness, empathy and on-going practice to develop these strong and effective communication skills.  The benefit? You will find that you will be less stressed, more focused and able to minimize unnecessary work when interpersonal communication is flowing smoothly.

7 Tips to Use Your Words More Effectively

Here are some ideas that I introduce in my communication workshops that can work very well for structuring positive, powerful communication.  Now go ahead and  add your own – you have learned and know what works best for you.

  1. Use Phrases That Subtly Open Up Options
  2. Use Phrases That Emphasize Commonality
  3. Use the Word “We” Rather Than “You”
  4. Chose Words That Normalize Issues & Concerns
  5. Avoid Phrases That Escalate or Dramatize the Issue
  6. Avoid Phrases That Back Someone in the Corner
  7. Watch Yourself:  Be Aware of Automatic Thoughts & Distorted Thinking

And More Ideas . . . 

Here is the icing on the cake . . . time proven tips that participants in my recent workshop “Communication That Builds Bridges” sent me just last week.

  • Always start with a smile
  • Use “and” instead of “but”
  • Look for the right time and place to talk
  • Know your desired outcome
  • Appreciate the other person’s perspective & opinion
  • Always use professional courtesy (please & thank you)
  • Slow Down!

Bottom line is taking the time to think before you speak; while you’re speaking and after you speak.  Let me know how it is working for you and how I can help you fine tune these valuable professional skills.

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Dogs Sit in the Front Row of Life

I had to look twice!  It was early evening on a beautiful warm night in Greece.  And here are two doggie pals sitting together on the tin roof of a house along the main street of Amadaoli, Crete. Would they slide off?  Nope.

They were perfectly content to watch the action down below on the street and when something really exciting happened (like their Greek Orthodox priest owner coming home) they would dash down to the first floor barking wildly to greet him.  After taking care of that task, they would scurry back up to the roof to take their front row seat again and resume watching the tourists, party-goers and Global Volunteers (that’s us) returning home from our day of work.  It was the best seat in the house – they didn’t miss anything and were right in the middle of the action.  Why don’t we all do that?

It’s Simply a Habit – Hiding in the Back Row

Every evening they were there . . . and I had to think they certainly had the right idea.  They were positioning themselves to be right in on the action.  Sitting in the front seat of life not hiding in the back row.  How often do we figuratively sit in the back and avoid being front and center.  We find lots of reasons to do that . . . it’s our personality; the situation isn’t right; it’s too risky, etc.  But it’s actually simply habit.  We simply go to that comfort zone and default to pushing the “No, I don’t think so” button over and over again.

But what does that get us?  Not very far and probably a bit bored.  Yes, it’s comfortable and there are no surprises.  And that’s the problem . . . it’s very, very comfortable and there are no changes, challenges or opportunities to stretch our wings.

How’s It Working For You? 

Sitting in the back row of life may have worked just fine for you over these last few years.  But is it working now?  Is it getting you to where you want to be next?  For many of us, that answer would probably be no.  So I encourage you to move up a row or two – stretch that comfort zone until you’re sitting in the front seat of life like the doggie pals sitting on the roof.  And I bet they are still there too!

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