Kit Prendergast, PCC
Kit brings you a wealth of expertise and experience as well as a wonderful spirit, energy, and a gift for inspiring you to create the life you truly want for yourself.Kit's Tips & Books
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Category Archives: Inspirational Leadership
What Do People Hear? 7 Tips to Say It
It’s not what we say but rather what people hear. And I love this picture for showing us the power of non-verbal communication. Both this little girl and delightful dog are communicating with not a word between them. But they know what they both are saying . . . “I see you and I care about you”.
What people hear – not the words said – is what makes communication so challenging. How often we find ourselves saying “But I told him!” And then he says “But that’s not what I heard!” Sounds familiar?! But how do we fine-tune those communication skills?
So here’s the answer . . . use language (verbal or non-verbal) that accurately conveys what you want the other person to hear and understand. Sounds simple but it actually takes self-awareness, empathy and on-going practice to develop these strong and effective communication skills. The benefit? You will find that you will be less stressed, more focused and able to minimize unnecessary work when interpersonal communication is flowing smoothly.
7 Tips to Use Your Words More Effectively
Here are some ideas that I introduce in my communication workshops that can work very well for structuring positive, powerful communication. Now go ahead and add your own – you have learned and know what works best for you.
- Use Phrases That Subtly Open Up Options
- Use Phrases That Emphasize Commonality
- Use the Word “We” Rather Than “You”
- Chose Words That Normalize Issues & Concerns
- Avoid Phrases That Escalate or Dramatize the Issue
- Avoid Phrases That Back Someone in the Corner
- Watch Yourself: Be Aware of Automatic Thoughts & Distorted Thinking
And More Ideas . . .
Here is the icing on the cake . . . time proven tips that participants in my recent workshop “Communication That Builds Bridges” sent me just last week.
- Always start with a smile
- Use “and” instead of “but”
- Look for the right time and place to talk
- Know your desired outcome
- Appreciate the other person’s perspective & opinion
- Always use professional courtesy (please & thank you)
- Slow Down!
Bottom line is taking the time to think before you speak; while you’re speaking and after you speak. Let me know how it is working for you and how I can help you fine tune these valuable professional skills.
Dogs Sit in the Front Row of Life
I had to look twice! It was early evening on a beautiful warm night in Greece. And here are two doggie pals sitting together on the tin roof of a house along the main street of Amadaoli, Crete. Would they slide off? Nope.
They were perfectly content to watch the action down below on the street and when something really exciting happened (like their Greek Orthodox priest owner coming home) they would dash down to the first floor barking wildly to greet him. After taking care of that task, they would scurry back up to the roof to take their front row seat again and resume watching the tourists, party-goers and Global Volunteers (that’s us) returning home from our day of work. It was the best seat in the house – they didn’t miss anything and were right in the middle of the action. Why don’t we all do that?
It’s Simply a Habit – Hiding in the Back Row
Every evening they were there . . . and I had to think they certainly had the right idea. They were positioning themselves to be right in on the action. Sitting in the front seat of life not hiding in the back row. How often do we figuratively sit in the back and avoid being front and center. We find lots of reasons to do that . . . it’s our personality; the situation isn’t right; it’s too risky, etc. But it’s actually simply habit. We simply go to that comfort zone and default to pushing the “No, I don’t think so” button over and over again.
But what does that get us? Not very far and probably a bit bored. Yes, it’s comfortable and there are no surprises. And that’s the problem . . . it’s very, very comfortable and there are no changes, challenges or opportunities to stretch our wings.
How’s It Working For You?
Sitting in the back row of life may have worked just fine for you over these last few years. But is it working now? Is it getting you to where you want to be next? For many of us, that answer would probably be no. So I encourage you to move up a row or two – stretch that comfort zone until you’re sitting in the front seat of life like the doggie pals sitting on the roof. And I bet they are still there too!
Push That “Yes” Button!
It was a small boat in a small town on the eastern shore of Crete. The winds were up and the water was rough. The regular tourist boats were closed due to the May 1st holiday but our taxi cab driver (in a pink tie & driving a Mercedes) had a “friend” who had a boat to ferry people out to the famous island of Spinalogue, an old leper colony and one time prison.
Did we want to go? My adventurous twin sister, Diane, said “of course” as I was still contemplating a cappuccino in a cozy tavern on the shore. But that’s Diane . . . she has always been the one to push the “Yes” button before me. And I’m so glad she does! We’ve had the best experiences over the years including on this special holiday seeing this piece of history from the sparkling blue waters off Crete.
One of our wonderful Canadian team members, Sheila Davis, embraced this idea and became our inspiration. She is more fun, full of life and certainly is willing to say “yes” to anything anywhere. I’ll travel with her anytime!
Saying “No” Becomes a Boring Habit
It’s interesting how easy it is to get in the habit of just saying “No” to new things especially when they change up our normal daily routines or stretch our cozy comfort zones. We are quick to think of why it’s not a good idea . . . and much slower to think why it may be a good (even great) idea. It actually becomes a habit – saying no before we even really think about it.
But what does that kind of automatic response do for us? Not much. Sure, life rolls on very safe, comfortable and (dare I say) a tad bit boring. And we can find ourselves saying afterwards “Gee, I wish I had done that”. But we can if we get out of our own way and let those adventures in.
Building Your Resiliency Skills & Your Career
Challenging yourself to stretch, grow and learn benefits not only you personally (you’re much more interesting) but also your career. By using those adaptive, change muscles regularly you will be pleasantly surprised how much more resilient you are during times of significant change. You have that inner confidence and knowledge that you can be flexible, creative and adaptable. It actually very empowering – a real boost.
Make “Yes” Your Default Button
So my challenge to you is to make “Yes” your default button. Yes, default to yes as often as you can. It will take some practice to say “yes” first to new opportunities unless you can think of some really good reasons to say “no”. Now I’m not saying to do anything so wild and crazy that it’s foolish or unsafe. I’m talking about just adding a bit of spice and adventure to your life. Let me know how you do and then we can plan our next great adventure!
First Step in Working with Multiple Generations
I’ve got all the generations . . . a Traditionalist Dad; a Baby Boomer husband; a Generation Y son; a Linkster daughter and my community non-profit work with multiple Generation Xers. And everyone is working in some capacity. Even my Dad, age 94, is a corporate attorney and goes into his office every day.
In today’s work world, we have the opportunity but also the challenge of working with all five generations. Each generation has different expectations, experiences and expertise to bring to the table. And each also has their prefered ways of communicating as any parent of a teenager knows. All of these differences can make the daily job of the project manager, team leader or supervisor infinately more complex and challenging.
First Step: Know the Generational Context
I’ve found that reading about the “generational context” that each of these generations grew up in has been invaluable in understanding the lenses that they see themselves, their colleagues and their jobs. It’s amazing the differences in generational perspective!
One of my favorite books is Generations, INC: From Boomers to Linksters – Managing the Friction Between Generations at Work, Meagan Johnson & Larry Johnson, 2010. Written by a father-daughter team in a lively converational style, this book is filled with research and personal interviews to help us appreciate how each generation perceives their world around them. And the authors go a step further by giving us concrete tips on how to lead and be led by each of these generations. It’s a must-have book if you’re in a leadership position or now working for someone in a different generation than yourself.
What Works with Each Generation
This is my short cut list of how to maximize the gifts each generation brings to their work.
- Traditionalist (1918-1945) Use their life wisdom especially in times of change.
- Baby Boomers (1946-1964) Give them new challenges to stretch & grow.
- Generation X (1965-1980) Keep things moving & provide autonomy.
- Generation Y (1981-1995) Have them take the lead with technology.
- Linksters (born after 1995) Tap into their expertise with social networking.
And it goes both ways . . . you may find yourself as a Baby Boomer working for that Generation Y boss. If so, grab up this book, keep your sense of humor and enjoy the ride!
The Power of Money
I finally got my daughter’s old IPod to work and I’ve been using it while pounding along on the trend mill at the gym these past few mornings. Just by chance, I uploaded the keynote address of author Lynne Twist, The Soul of Money from the International Coach Federation (ICF) conference in St. Louis, MN 2006.
I closed my eyes and remembered what an incredible presence Twist was on that stage in front of 1,400 coaches from around the world. And she was talking about this funny subject of money. It’s a subject near and dear to the hearts of all us entrepreneur coaches but Twist put a whole different perspective to it.
Money Was Invented
Money doesn’t grow in our natural world. It is an human invention and was originally created to facilitate the sharing of goods and services. But somewhere along the way we started to give immense power to money – even over human life. People will go to the extreme all in the name of money – damaging personal relationships; destroying natural resources and always their own soul, values, time, energy and spirit.
Now, rather than relating to money as simply a tool that was invented to make life easier we have come to assume that money is everything – it has control over our lives and happiness. Interesting . . .
A Coach’s Perspective
Recently, I met an accomplished young woman executive that was looking to fast track her career into an area that really didn’t interest her. “Why?” I asked. “To make more money”. She gave many reasons around having more material possessions but more happiness? This conversation was a powerful confirmation of what Twist was talking about. The power we give money . . . do we really want to give away our heart and soul?