Kit Prendergast, PCC
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Category Archives: Communication Tips
Emotional Intelligence: Use It or Lose Your Career!
You may think I’m exaggerating but it’s true. The #1 reason professionals stumble in their career advancement is because of their lack of social and emotional intelligence. They may have all the knowledge, skills and even years of experience but they have earned a reputation for not being able to get along with their colleagues, direct reports or even their bosses. In short, their own self-awareness; empathy for others and ability to manage their own emotions is limited or nonexistent.
These folks (are we talking about you?) are just known for being difficult – they don’t listen, are confrontational, unpredictable and even arrogant in their beliefs. They may be in a supervisory or middle management position because they have been with the company for so long but now their career is on thin ice and they wonder why. But others know why . . .
So what exactly is “social and emotional intelligence”? Here is a excellent working defination from the Institute for Social & Emotional Intelligence (ISEI), Denver, Colorado.
- “Social and emotional intelligence is the ability to be aware of our own emotions and those of others, in the moment, and to use that information to manage ourselves and manage our relationships”.
I’ve been giving workshops on emotional intelligence (EQ) for years – it’s truly my favorite topic because it impacts every aspect of our working and personal lives. I’m delighted now to be in an intensive coach certification course (October – November) through ISEI with my Australian coaching colleagues to learn even more. I’ve already started to pull new ideas and tools into my training courses and with my individual coaching clients.
So let’s remember that 80 – 85% of our career success at the upper levels depends on our ability to connect, communicate and collaborate with others. Our own personal work experiences confirm that research. We have all known industry leaders who have those qualities – they inspire, motivate and engage their teams and employees resulting in people working harder with energy, creativity and greater flexibility. The result? Less employee turnover; higher productivity and greater profits for the company.
This is emotional intelligence competencies in action. Let’s be known as one of those leaders!
Using the MBTI to Make Life Easier
There are at least a hundred personality assessments on the market today – all with the promise that if we know ourselves better we will be happier and more successful in both our personal and professional lives. We can take Emergenetics; the DiSC; the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI); Skill Scan; StrengthsFinder 2.0; Career Liftoff; Knowdell’s Motivated Skill Sort; the traditional 360° Assessment; Personal Branding surveys; Emotional Intelligence self-assessments and the list goes on and on.
But are they worth it? Can they help us learn something about ourselves that we didn’t already know? And how can we use the information to make our life a bit easier each and every day?
My answer is yes! A bit of self-knowledge wisely applied can go a long way. But first make sure to ask and answer these two questions for yourself ahead of time:
- What do I want to learn about myself?
- How will I apply that learning to my life today?
The answers to these two questions may be more difficult than you think. That is why it is important to take the assessments under the guidance of a certified administrator that can clearly delineate the differences in the assessments, what you can expect to gain and then help you clarify how the resulting knowledge can benefit your goals at this time in your life.
But what about all the on-line assessments? Yes, they have certainly gotten better in the last few years with many providing you with a robust report with more detail than maybe you even wanted. A word of caution – be careful of the freebies. You may be left with more questions, be more confused and more vulnerable for them to sell you a bigger package. Look before you leap!
I am biased though and believe that nothing takes the place of talking with a real live professional that knows and cares about your own goals. I want to know that they really know what they are talking about. Over the years I’ve obtained certification in several of the well-known assessments. I weave them into the beginning of the leadership or career transition coaching that I’m doing and people love them. Maybe it’s the mystery of figuring out “Who am I really?’ or maybe it’s just trying to figure out what makes their husbands tick?
My favorite is the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). It’s the best-of-the-best because once we know and really understand our own innate “preferences” life really does become much easier. And the icing on the cake, is now we know what motivates and energizes other people both in our families and in our work settings. We also become a little less critical and a lot more appreciative of the “gifts” we all bring to the table every day.
Posted in Career Tips & Strategies, Communication Tips, Emotional Intelligence, Inspirational Leadership, Navigating Change, Personal Development, Your Time & Energy
Tagged Career, happiness, inspiration, learning, optimism, Positive Psychology, Relationships, Talent Development, Visioning
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A Simple Smile Shifts Energy
I’ve been experimenting with this idea for several months now . . . does the simple act of smiling to yourself shift your own energy?
This experiment came about quite innocently when I would be feeling a bit frustrated (like lots of us) when trying to take care of household business calls that seem to have no end. It’s not the fault of the person on the other end of the phone (when I actually am able to talk with someone) but it seems like nothing is simple and almost always one call necessitates another two or three calls. I’m thinking of calls like scheduling medical appointments for family members; sorting out errors on bills, arranging for car/dog/house maintenance etc. etc. You know what I mean.
So I tried experimenting with putting a smile on my face (none can see me) to observe what would happen. Interesting, several things would almost always occur quite quickly. First, I noticed that my voice would soften and become a little lighter. It also had a warmer quality to it. My shoulders relaxed a bit and I sat back slightly in my chair. I also was more attuned to the conversation and was listening a bit closer. And if I really wanted to test the waters, I would find a moment to just laugh slightly to see if that created a nice connection with the other person.
I was pleasantly surprised at the result of my experiment. Each time I coached myself to smile, my energy had clearly shifted in a very subtle way. It was not dramatic – I hadn’t done anything extraordinary but my energy had simply shifted to a more positive and collaborative posture.
Did the smile get business done any faster or better? Maybe not or maybe so. But it does make it easier on me. I’m being a bit kinder and gentler on myself. Now on to more phone calls . . .
Tips for Team Coaching
As a leader in your organization, you are tasked with bringing out the best of your employees for the productivity of your company. Sounds easy but it’s tougher than it looks especially in these economic times when everyone feels stretched. But it can be done both with your direct individual reports but also your project teams or department staff.
Lifting Together Makes the Difference
Here’s how . . . use a strengths based coaching approach with powerful questions. One piece of the executive coaching program that I offer is an intensive hands-on training and practice on how to use basic coaching skills to engage and motivate employees. We start with individual one-on-one practice with employees doing their annual reviews or wanting to take their careers to that next level within the company. Coaching may also be appropriate for employees struggling with performance expectations, communication problems or interpersonal conflicts with their colleagues.
With this practice behind them, leaders move to a more complicated coaching challenge – working with their designated teams around specific outcomes. There are more moving parts including difference in personalities and communication styles that can make leading a team successfully much more challenging.
You Don’t Have to Do All the Work
But here’s the trick . . . know and use the same coaching philosophy, collaborative approach and basic powerful questions that work so well with individuals and just expand them for the larger group. Listen closely and concentrate on giving your team the space and support to contribute their ideas and strengths.
You don’t have to say much in the beginning – just get out of their way and let them do what you hired them to do. Acknowledge their wisdom with the result that you may be pleasantly surprised that with a coaching approach you’ve opened up a wealth of possibilities, creative thinking and some excellent options. And you didn’t have to do all the work!
It’s a very fast paced competitive work world. Just like this great picture of the Army moving the Red Cross tent in the pouring rain. Everyone needs to contribute their best strength, lift together and move forward to the designated goal or vision. It can work really well with the right kind of leadership – do you have what it takes?
Patience in the Rain
Have you ever come across a faithful dog waiting in the rain for its owner to return? We feel sorry for the loyal dog, but the message is a great reminder. Over the years we work in teams, committees and projects with many, many people. And as we move around the country or overseas we also live with many other people in different living situations and a variety of communities. If we are wise, we nurture the best of these relationships faithfully. We know as we continue to grow in our careers we need and want a supportive professional network of friends and colleagues that we can call in the good and bad times.
In short, we share a history together and a mutual respect for our diverse talents, skills, expertise and experiences. So when times get tough and the rain is pouring down, we know that each of us has each other’s back and we can wait in the rain for a bit. And at the end of the day, that’s all that counts – as well as our faithful four legged friends.