Tag Archives: Positive Psychology

Break the Habit of “Scrambling”

As January picks up speed, I’m committed to consciously use my time and energy even more carefully this coming year.  As an extrovert, it’s easy for me to get involved in lots of activities and projects.  But as I get older and a bit wiser, I realize that “less is more” when it comes to managing my time on a daily basis. 

Leaders, managers and worker bees all do it . . . scrambling about to get multiple tasks done at work and even at home.  It easily can become a habit – a behavior that we expect of ourselves and as a result, others expect from us as well.  But the consequence is that nothing really gets done well.  We make silly mistakes and waste precious energy redoing tasks because we weren’t paying enough attention or we “didn’t have time” to do it right the first time.  Sound familiar?

“Scramble” Less to Get More Done

So here’s something to experiment with . . . simply slow down both your thinking and your actions.  Catch yourself when you start to scramble and coach yourself to do or think of only one thing at a time.  Concentrate.  That’s often a big challenge because of all the noise in our lives.  But when you do you will be pleasantly surprised by how much more effective you are.  You actually get more done.  And there is a ripple effect of feeling more in control, relaxed and focused.  It’s a great feeling – try it!

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New Choices in the New Year

I caught the newspaper headline just as I was zipping out of the gym early this morning . . . “New Choices in the New Year”.  I like it!  That headline captures the spirit, hope and energy that as a professional coach I hope to bring to all my coaching and training clients.  It speaks to recognizing our own personal power in creating a future that we truly want at this time in our lives.

And that’s what we’re all thinking about this first week of January as the new year gets underway.  It may be a renewed commitment to a regular exercise schedule; healthier eating; more sleep; better time and energy management or a different career path.  This is a natural time to look back over the past year to see what has worked well and what hasn’t; what changes need to be made to move forward and then to use that wisdom to proactively plan for a “prosperous new year”.

The Power of Choice 

Let’s be honest and recognize that it’s all about choices . . . and it’s all within our personal power.  Everyday we make multiple choices – some move us closer to our positive year-long goals but other choices are made when we are hurried and stressed.  These are the choices that often distract or even derail us from what we really want in our lives.  It can be tempting to blame these poor choices on other people or outside circumstances but in all honesty we always have control over how we respond to these situations – even though we may not want to admit it.

Slow Down to Make Good Choices

So what’s the secret to making good choices for ourselves?  Bottom line . . . slow down and think about your choice before you commit yourself.  Make it a habit.  Push the pause button and think about how this choice may support or distract you from a higher priority goal.  That brief pause gives you a chance to think before acting.

But since daily life does move fast, don’t be too hard on yourself for making a few snap choices that you later find yourself regretting . . . it happens to all of us.   The good news is that as we get older and wiser that pause button gets much easier to push!

 

 

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Scarcity vs. Abundance Thinking

How do people stay optimistic and motivated during difficult times?  Last night I had the chance to ask a group of people of mixed ages, gender and professional backgrounds that exact question.  The answers came quickly.  There was no hesitation. People know what works for them.

From recognizing the enjoyment of being with “like-minded” colleagues; to recognizing that we are simply a “blink” in history (and therefore need to do something now); to knowing that what we’re doing is giving a voice to people who have no voice; to believing that there is always a “light at the end of the tunnel” and to knowing that our individual efforts do matter every single day to someone else.  We make a positive difference.  A little wine, music and dancing got on the list as well!

Scarcity vs. Abundance Thinking

But my personal favorite was to practice abundance thinking instead of scarcity thinking. It takes practice but shifting your mindset to one of appreciating the abundance of life rather than what may be scarce in your life is very powerful. 

 It’s very easy to let scarcity thinking become a habit. And if you surround yourself with others who think that way then the complaining and whining really gets carried away.  Fear takes over in a rapid downward spiral.

We can learn from our canine friends.  Growing up in Carmel, California I walked the beach at least once a day with several dogs at my heels.  And as soon as they were off their leashes they are racing down the beach.  And all the dog owners would gather, chat and watch as the dogs ran and romped together. You can’t help but smile. Big dogs, little dogs, fat and skinny dogs all just enjoying the beach. They were all in the moment and totally immersed in the wealth of smells, sounds and feelings of running through the water and sand. They didn’t see what they didn’t have but rather just what they had in that moment. 

We can learn from them.  Take your shoes off, dig your toes in the sand and enjoy the abundance of what you have for today.  Tomorrow will take care of itself . . . tomorrow. 

 

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Kayaking in Maine: Lesson in Patience

It’s beautiful up here on a quiet pond in Maine.  My twin sister and I have organized a wonderful week for family and friends at a lakeside cabin on North Lake in Norway, Maine.  Each summer we enjoy getting everyone together to laugh and play by the water either on the West or East coast.  This time we are in western Maine filled with endless waterways and kayaks.  So as Diane and I carefully step into the bright orange kayaks early this morning it occurred to me that I’m not sure I’ve ever taken a single kayak out myself.  “Have you ever done this before?” I ask my twin. “No, I don’t think so” she responds – but we figure it can’t be hard and it wasn’t.

Practicing Patience

We paddle slowly but sometimes bump into each other kayaks because we’re still getting the rhythm of the stroking down.  I practice doing slow donuts so I can go backwards and forward as needed.  So with a bit of effort, we get going down the shoreline toward the distant mountains.   I ask her, as a family psychotherapist, what would be the personal or professional lesson that we could learn from this quiet experience of kayaking in Maine.  Diane doesn’t hesitate “Patience” she says . . .  “you’re not going anywhere too fast and that feels wonderful”.

We don’t get many times to practice patience in this way.  Smooth and steady and we’ll get there just fine.  I loved seeing the lily pads with flowers in the “secret cove”.  And then a slow donut turn and we’re headed back to our cabin, breakfast and sleeping teenagers.  How else can we practice patience?  Here’s one more way . . . being the last person to watch the bonfire die down at the end of the evening.  Just chatting and watching the flames become embers and the ash.  Now that takes patience.

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Change & Transition: Knowing the Difference

Being notified that you are being laid off is a big change in your life.  And it’s even a bigger psychological adjustment if you weren’t planning on a forced vacation quite yet.  I just came back from giving a workshop on “Career Transitions” for staff in higher education facing layoffs.  I always start with helping folks understand the difference between change & transition and then the three phases of transition.  That foundation seems to be very reassuring because it shows people the path through their feelings of anxiety and uncertainty.   

Change is a Challenge

Managing the many changes in our lives is an ongoing challenge.  Hopefully, we get better at it as we get older.  We’ve been around the block a few times and we know that yes, things do work out with a bit of patience and proactive effort.  But it’s also important to recognize why sometimes a change (like a new job or a move to a new house) is relatively easy but then when the exact same change happens a couple of years later it is much harder.  Why?

The Difference Between Change & Transition

William Bridges, author of Transitions,  has written extensively on change and  transition. I love his material and have used it in every workshop I give on change management.  Bridges first explains that a “change” is an external event.  Examples are: a move, new job, new baby, getting married, going to college, a death etc.  And we may experience the same change  several times throughout our lives. 

That’s not the hard part.  The challenge is the psychological adjustment to the change.  That is the internal “transition”.  And the psychological adjustment to the exact same change may vary greatly at different times in our lives.

Why Is It So Hard Sometimes?

Several factors make the difference.  The timing of the change – is it “on-time” or “off-time”?  Was the change expected or did it come “out-of-the-blue”?  Does the change impact many areas of your life?  Is it a temporary or permanent change?  Do you have control over the change or not?  These are some of the factors that directly affect how we psychologically adjust to a change in our lives. 

Think about this for yourself.  Look at several changes that you have recently experienced.  How did you adjust to them? What seemed to make the difference?  In my next blog I’ll tell you about the three phases of transition – it might surprise you how we often go through transitions “backwards”.

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