Kit Prendergast, PCC
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Tag Archives: Leadership
What Do People Hear? 7 Tips to Say It
It’s not what we say but rather what people hear. And I love this picture for showing us the power of non-verbal communication. Both this little girl and delightful dog are communicating with not a word between them. But they know what they both are saying . . . “I see you and I care about you”.
What people hear – not the words said – is what makes communication so challenging. How often we find ourselves saying “But I told him!” And then he says “But that’s not what I heard!” Sounds familiar?! But how do we fine-tune those communication skills?
So here’s the answer . . . use language (verbal or non-verbal) that accurately conveys what you want the other person to hear and understand. Sounds simple but it actually takes self-awareness, empathy and on-going practice to develop these strong and effective communication skills. The benefit? You will find that you will be less stressed, more focused and able to minimize unnecessary work when interpersonal communication is flowing smoothly.
7 Tips to Use Your Words More Effectively
Here are some ideas that I introduce in my communication workshops that can work very well for structuring positive, powerful communication. Now go ahead and add your own – you have learned and know what works best for you.
- Use Phrases That Subtly Open Up Options
- Use Phrases That Emphasize Commonality
- Use the Word “We” Rather Than “You”
- Chose Words That Normalize Issues & Concerns
- Avoid Phrases That Escalate or Dramatize the Issue
- Avoid Phrases That Back Someone in the Corner
- Watch Yourself: Be Aware of Automatic Thoughts & Distorted Thinking
And More Ideas . . .
Here is the icing on the cake . . . time proven tips that participants in my recent workshop “Communication That Builds Bridges” sent me just last week.
- Always start with a smile
- Use “and” instead of “but”
- Look for the right time and place to talk
- Know your desired outcome
- Appreciate the other person’s perspective & opinion
- Always use professional courtesy (please & thank you)
- Slow Down!
Bottom line is taking the time to think before you speak; while you’re speaking and after you speak. Let me know how it is working for you and how I can help you fine tune these valuable professional skills.
Dogs Sit in the Front Row of Life
I had to look twice! It was early evening on a beautiful warm night in Greece. And here are two doggie pals sitting together on the tin roof of a house along the main street of Amadaoli, Crete. Would they slide off? Nope.
They were perfectly content to watch the action down below on the street and when something really exciting happened (like their Greek Orthodox priest owner coming home) they would dash down to the first floor barking wildly to greet him. After taking care of that task, they would scurry back up to the roof to take their front row seat again and resume watching the tourists, party-goers and Global Volunteers (that’s us) returning home from our day of work. It was the best seat in the house – they didn’t miss anything and were right in the middle of the action. Why don’t we all do that?
It’s Simply a Habit – Hiding in the Back Row
Every evening they were there . . . and I had to think they certainly had the right idea. They were positioning themselves to be right in on the action. Sitting in the front seat of life not hiding in the back row. How often do we figuratively sit in the back and avoid being front and center. We find lots of reasons to do that . . . it’s our personality; the situation isn’t right; it’s too risky, etc. But it’s actually simply habit. We simply go to that comfort zone and default to pushing the “No, I don’t think so” button over and over again.
But what does that get us? Not very far and probably a bit bored. Yes, it’s comfortable and there are no surprises. And that’s the problem . . . it’s very, very comfortable and there are no changes, challenges or opportunities to stretch our wings.
How’s It Working For You?
Sitting in the back row of life may have worked just fine for you over these last few years. But is it working now? Is it getting you to where you want to be next? For many of us, that answer would probably be no. So I encourage you to move up a row or two – stretch that comfort zone until you’re sitting in the front seat of life like the doggie pals sitting on the roof. And I bet they are still there too!
First Step in Working with Multiple Generations
I’ve got all the generations . . . a Traditionalist Dad; a Baby Boomer husband; a Generation Y son; a Linkster daughter and my community non-profit work with multiple Generation Xers. And everyone is working in some capacity. Even my Dad, age 94, is a corporate attorney and goes into his office every day.
In today’s work world, we have the opportunity but also the challenge of working with all five generations. Each generation has different expectations, experiences and expertise to bring to the table. And each also has their prefered ways of communicating as any parent of a teenager knows. All of these differences can make the daily job of the project manager, team leader or supervisor infinately more complex and challenging.
First Step: Know the Generational Context
I’ve found that reading about the “generational context” that each of these generations grew up in has been invaluable in understanding the lenses that they see themselves, their colleagues and their jobs. It’s amazing the differences in generational perspective!
One of my favorite books is Generations, INC: From Boomers to Linksters – Managing the Friction Between Generations at Work, Meagan Johnson & Larry Johnson, 2010. Written by a father-daughter team in a lively converational style, this book is filled with research and personal interviews to help us appreciate how each generation perceives their world around them. And the authors go a step further by giving us concrete tips on how to lead and be led by each of these generations. It’s a must-have book if you’re in a leadership position or now working for someone in a different generation than yourself.
What Works with Each Generation
This is my short cut list of how to maximize the gifts each generation brings to their work.
- Traditionalist (1918-1945) Use their life wisdom especially in times of change.
- Baby Boomers (1946-1964) Give them new challenges to stretch & grow.
- Generation X (1965-1980) Keep things moving & provide autonomy.
- Generation Y (1981-1995) Have them take the lead with technology.
- Linksters (born after 1995) Tap into their expertise with social networking.
And it goes both ways . . . you may find yourself as a Baby Boomer working for that Generation Y boss. If so, grab up this book, keep your sense of humor and enjoy the ride!
Power of Intention in the Job Search!
Over the last couple of weeks I have been writing about my college-age daughter’s summer internship quest through the streets of New York City. Barbara’s journey has given me wonderful material for this blog and allowed me to share with you the multiple complex steps of going through an intense job search. And it’s been at an amazing pace!
What we all can learn from Barbara is the power of intention. Early on, Barbara knew what she wanted . . . and she was determined to make it happen. Being a strong “J” on the Myers Briggs Personality Inventory (MBTI), Barbara figured out what she needed to do: when she needed to do it, and then (with a bit of help from Coach Mom) how to move through these steps quickly but effectively. The result . . . a summer internship at a prestigious firm in New York City for the summer.
This is what Barbara did . . . not alone because a savvy job seeker pulls in all the resources they can. So she had excellent help from the Career Center at Syracuse University, New House School of Communication, and late night help from her ever faithful Coach Mom.
It’s a Journey – Not for the Faint of Heart
It’s tough and not for the faint of heart. But this list of the “must dos” of a job search will give you some ideas if and when you start thinking about a delicious new career chapter for yourself – or maybe for one of those family members who are also itching for a change.
These were Barbara’s 12 job search steps . . .
- Clarified exactly what she wanted – the who, what, where, when & why
- Maximized networking contacts & references to open doors
- Used professional resources and offers of help appropriately
- Designed an eye-catching resume specific to the PR industry
- Created targeted cover letters that matched need to value
- Personalized follow-up emails to ensure a prompt response
- Complied a “I Can Do” mini-portfolio
- Rehearsed telephone interview strategies and questions (& debriefed afterwards)
- Prepared physically, emotionally & mentally for on-site personal interviews (& debriefed afterwards)
- Sent personal thank you letters after every interview
- Graciously handled final offers & negotiated hiring terms/days/responsibilities etc.
- Celebrated!
Is It Worth It?
If you are ready for a brand new career or to take your career up to that next level the answer is a solid YES. But it takes work, perseverance and a belief in yourself that you can make something happen. It might take longer in this tough economy but don’t give up . . . just give it time. And if you get stuck, call me!
The Power of Story Telling in Interviews
Do you get a little nervous and tongue-tied when asked to describe your talents, skills and strengths in a telephone or face-to-face interview? That’s normal. It’s not that you don’t have anything to say – actually you have lots to say – but the challenge is saying something concise and meaningful in a way that captures the interviewer’s interest and conveys the value you can bring the organization.
So try this new, old approach . . . story telling. Everyone loves a good story. And people remember a good story because it creates a visual image for them. We come alive while both telling stories and listening to them. Stories are powerful, but they take planning to avoid the pitfall of a tale that goes on and on.
Selecting Strengths for a Story
Here’s how to get started in deciding what is most important to communicate in an upcoming interview. First, think of a strength that you want to highlight for the interviewer(s). This strength should speak to one of these five P.E.A.K.S areas:
- Your Personal Characteristics (ability to work in a team, leadership, handle conflict, attitude etc.)
- Your professional Experience in this industry or in the responsibilities being requested
- Your Accomplishments which you have been recognized for by your colleagues
- Your Knowledge (formal education and on-going professional development)
- Your range of Skills appropriate to this job opening.
Use the C.A.R. to Create Your Story
Once you have selected the strength that you want to showcase take a minute to rough out one short paragraph that tells the story. And here’s the trick . . . use the C.A.R. format. This works beautifully to keep your story short and to the point.
- C = Challenge (what was the challenge you faced ie. new project, a conflict etc)
- A = Action (what was the action you took – focus on your actions)
- R = Results (what were the concrete results that happened as a result of your actions)
And then the icing on the cake is tieing in the results with the value you could bring this company if hired. Play with this . . . do one story completely and then a couple more. Shoot for about 8 – 10 short stories. Create a cheat sheet for yourself with the C.A.R. format. For each story hit each of the three points briefly adding in the final touch of the value you would bring.
Practice each story out loud to your dog but don’t overdo it. You want your natural voice, enthusiasm and energy to come through as you’re telling the story. After all, you’re talking about you at your best. Good luck out there, and if you see me along the way tell me your best story. I’d love to hear it!