Tag Archives: strengths

Creating the “Space” for Someone to Think

Give someone the “space” to think. I don’t mean just the physical space (which is very important) but also the time, quiet and the permission to think. And watch your company grow.

This is a relatively easy thing to do. As a leader you ask (rather than tell) some simple questions that are designed to open and expand someone else’s thinking power. They are doing the work, not you – and that’s what they were hired to do. It takes you setting aside your ego – the need to be the “expert,” to always be right and to be in control. It takes trusting that you really did hire the best of the best.

By asking simple, coach-oriented questions, you are creating the psychological space for someone else to think, create and to run with their ideas.

Here’s how this conversation could flow – very simple but very empowering. This is you as the leader speaking. Watch who’s doing all the work . . . not you, but the person you hire. You just got out of the way.

  1. “What have you already been thinking about?”
  2. “What would you recommend?”
  3. “What could get in the way?”
  4. “What resources do you need to move forward?”
  5. “How can I help you move forward on this?”
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What Do People Hear? 7 Tips to Say It

It’s not what we say but rather what people hear.  And I love this picture for showing us the power of non-verbal communication.  Both this little girl and delightful dog are communicating with not a word between them.  But they know what they both are saying . . . “I see you and I care about you”.

What people hear – not the words said – is what makes communication so challenging.  How often we find ourselves saying “But I told him!”  And then he says “But that’s not what I heard!”  Sounds familiar?!  But how do we fine-tune those communication skills?

So here’s the answer . . . use language (verbal or non-verbal) that accurately conveys what you want the other person to hear and understand.  Sounds simple but it actually takes self-awareness, empathy and on-going practice to develop these strong and effective communication skills.  The benefit? You will find that you will be less stressed, more focused and able to minimize unnecessary work when interpersonal communication is flowing smoothly.

7 Tips to Use Your Words More Effectively

Here are some ideas that I introduce in my communication workshops that can work very well for structuring positive, powerful communication.  Now go ahead and  add your own – you have learned and know what works best for you.

  1. Use Phrases That Subtly Open Up Options
  2. Use Phrases That Emphasize Commonality
  3. Use the Word “We” Rather Than “You”
  4. Chose Words That Normalize Issues & Concerns
  5. Avoid Phrases That Escalate or Dramatize the Issue
  6. Avoid Phrases That Back Someone in the Corner
  7. Watch Yourself:  Be Aware of Automatic Thoughts & Distorted Thinking

And More Ideas . . . 

Here is the icing on the cake . . . time proven tips that participants in my recent workshop “Communication That Builds Bridges” sent me just last week.

  • Always start with a smile
  • Use “and” instead of “but”
  • Look for the right time and place to talk
  • Know your desired outcome
  • Appreciate the other person’s perspective & opinion
  • Always use professional courtesy (please & thank you)
  • Slow Down!

Bottom line is taking the time to think before you speak; while you’re speaking and after you speak.  Let me know how it is working for you and how I can help you fine tune these valuable professional skills.

Posted in And a Bit More, Career Tips & Strategies, Communication Tips, Inspirational Leadership, Personal Development, Your Time & Energy | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Push That “Yes” Button!

It was a small boat in a small town on the eastern shore of Crete. The winds were up and the water was rough. The regular tourist boats were closed due to the May 1st holiday but our taxi cab driver (in a pink tie & driving a Mercedes) had a “friend” who had a boat to ferry people out to the famous island of Spinalogue, an old leper colony and one time prison.

Did we want to go?  My adventurous twin sister, Diane, said “of course” as I was still contemplating a cappuccino in a cozy tavern on the shore.  But that’s Diane . . . she has always been the one to push the “Yes” button before me.  And I’m so glad she does! We’ve had the best experiences over the years including on this special holiday seeing this piece of history from the sparkling blue waters off Crete.

One of our wonderful Canadian team members, Sheila Davis, embraced this idea and became our inspiration.  She is more fun, full of life and certainly is willing to say “yes” to anything anywhere.  I’ll travel with her anytime!

Saying “No” Becomes a Boring Habit

It’s interesting how easy it is to get in the habit of just saying “No” to new things especially when they change up our normal daily routines or stretch our cozy comfort zones.  We are quick to think of why it’s not a good idea . . . and much slower to think why it may be a good (even great) idea.  It actually becomes a habit – saying no before we even really think about it.

But what does that kind of automatic response do for us?  Not much.  Sure, life rolls on very safe, comfortable and (dare I say) a tad bit boring.  And we can find ourselves saying afterwards “Gee, I wish I had done that”.  But we can if we get out of our own way and let those adventures in.

Building Your Resiliency Skills & Your Career

Challenging yourself to stretch, grow and learn benefits not only you personally (you’re much more interesting) but also your career.  By using those adaptive, change muscles regularly you will be pleasantly surprised how much more resilient you are during times of significant change.  You have that inner confidence and knowledge that you can be flexible, creative and adaptable.  It actually very empowering – a real boost.

Make “Yes” Your Default Button 

So my challenge to you is to make “Yes” your default button.  Yes, default to yes as often as you can.  It will take some practice to say “yes” first to new opportunities unless you can think of some really good reasons to say “no”.  Now I’m not saying to do anything so wild and crazy that it’s foolish or unsafe.  I’m talking about just adding a bit of spice and adventure to your life.  Let me know how you do and then we can plan our next great adventure!

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It’s All So Complicated!

I’m actually a very patient person.  And I’m bright, fairly tech savvy, can make time and have resources available to me. It’s just that everything in today’s world is so complicated.  These last few weeks have pushed my patience and good humor to the edge.  Here’s my story . . .

I leave in a couple of days for a three week Global Volunteers work assignment in Greece.  I’ll be gone from the office a full month so there are lots of projects to be taken care of both here at the office, at home and in my community work.  But since I’ve lived overseas and travel quite a bit it shouldn’t be hard. Or is it?

Passwords, Passwords & More Passwords 

If you have oodles of time and enjoy the thrill of the chase to solve just one problem per day then tackling the banking industry; the health care system; the mobile phone network or the Greek ferry system will provide hours of entertainment.  But I don’t have that time and energy – and I don’t have a secretary (as I remind my 94 year old attorney Dad with his own secretary).

And everything needs a password, a log-in and then a host of “security questions”.  The funniest was this past weekend when I had to answer a series of “multiple choice” questions from three different banking people asking the most obscure questions – no longer your favorite color or mother’s maiden name.

So here’s what I’ve learned in this entire process.

  • First., punch “0” over and over to try and connect with a live person.  Forget trying to go through the prompts hoping to find one that matches what you’re looking for – it’s just not going to happen.
  • Second, try my sister’s trick which is to simply plead ignorance and say that you don’t use/own a computer and therefore can’t do these transactions on-line yourself.  The live person will usually say “No problem, I’ll do it for you”.  Works beautifully.
  • Third, when you’ve reached the end of your patience, as I did with getting two sets of instructions from my mobile phone carrier, turn the task over to someone who still has the strength to persevere – hubby, Wally, retired Marine who loves a good challenge.  I found myself saying to the young phone salesperson “Are you telling me that this IPhone which is “smart” enough to make spaghetti sauce can’t be used anyplace in Europe”.  Yep, that’s what she was saying ’cause Greece is a GM Country – now what does that mean?
  • And finally, keep your sense of humor and expectations very, very low.  Don’t expect to get an answer to your question the first time around but rather you will be referred on and on and on.  Someday you may get an answer if you still remember or care about the question.

“Leaving on a Jet Plane . . . “

Sharing my story with you has given me some wonderful perspective.  So I think I might just go on down to the Reno airport two days early, order a glass of wine and settle back with a good book.  If you want to call me on my fancy new “loaner” IPhone that I won’t know how to work – please try.  Just don’t ask me for a password!

 

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Job Interviews: What To Do After

With a delicious sense of accomplishment, you leave the interview ready to celebrate making it through yet-another interview.  It’s been exciting but also exhausting.  And you’re ready to meet some friends for a glass of wine and tell them the story of how the interview went – especially if it’s for a position you really want.

But wait . . . there’s one more step to take.  And that’s a short “performance-based” followup email and a handwritten thank you note.  Sounds like a lot of work when you’re emotionally you’re ready to relax?  Well, this extra step can (and often does) make the difference in how you are remembered and considered for the position.

Your Follow-Up Email Reinforces Impression

First, send a short email to the individual (or individuals) that interviewed you expressing your appreciation for the interview and covering these three points:

  • Your understanding of the needs of the organization/priorities
  • How you can bring unique value to the organization/ie. meet those needs
  • Your confidence that you would be a good fit for the position & organization

And then don’t forget to express your interest in being hired. Amazing how many people never say that either in the interview or in the follow-up written correspondence.  If you want the job, tell them!

Your Handwritten Note – Icing on the Cake

Second, sit down and write a short, short thank you note on a nice card saying simply thank you for the interview, you feel you would be a good fit and you’re looking forward to hearing from them soon.  Just like our mothers used to make us do . . . it’s a habit that sets you apart from the pack.  And that thank you note always brings a smile because so few people take the time to say a personal thanks.

And . . . think of this.  If they offer the position to someone else who then turns it down (happens all the time) and they are looking at an alternate and they see your note sitting on their desk . . . we always want to stay in front of the decision makers continuing to build a positive relationship.  Try it!

 

Posted in Career Tips & Strategies, Career Transition Skills, Communication Tips, Navigating Change, Networking, Your Time & Energy | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment