Author Archives: Kit Prendergast

Use Mind-Mapping to Jog Your Memory

After years of working and living, each of us is in numerous personal and professional networks – some that come to mind quickly and others we may have forgotten about. But how do we remember these connections?

Try using a mind map picture. It’s easy. Start with a blank piece of white paper. Draw a small circle in the middle—that’s you—and now draw several lines shooting off from the central circle. Put circles at the end of those lines. Name those circles for the networks that come easily to mind.

For example, I started with simple networks (often geographic areas) such as: Reno Work; Military Life; Norway; Virginia; San Diego; Kids’ School etc. Next, I chunked those larger networks down starting with my current work which I broke down to colleagues, favorite companies, professional development, etc.

Mind mapping is a way to jog your memory. I’m starting to remember all sorts of folks that I would enjoy reaching out to. With today’s technology—especially Facebook & LinkedIn— that’s not hard to do. I’m going to start with just a handful of favorite “old” friends and see where those lines take me. I’ll let you know what happens and please tell me how it is working for you as well.

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Planes, Trains & New York Cabs

It’s an early, early Southwest morning flight from Reno, NV to the East Coast but it is one that I do many times a year now that daughter, Barbara and son, Davis, go to college out in New York and my twin sister, Diane, lives in Boston.

But I really should learn not to go in the middle of a hot, humid summer.  It’s always an “historic” heat wave exactly when I’m due to arrive.  And during the winter, it’s always the “worst storm in the century”.  But plans are plans.  So yes, I’ll be on those planes, trains and in lots of yellow cabs this July 4th holiday week.

I will be thinking of you all as I’m doing laps around Times Square searching for an air conditioned coffee shop or a cool, dark bar for a frosty beer. Can I sneak an underage daughter in?  You bet, if I’m desperate enough!  But I can tell you that I’ll be avoiding the subway system (despite daughter’s protests) because I always seem to get in the one that gets stuck underground.  Those yellow cabs are worth every penny in my humble, older and wiser opinion.

Power outrages?  Stuck in an elevator?  I better avoid those too. I’m a bit claustrophobic which I blame on my twin sister, Diane, who is 100x worse than me.  Now that’s not a pretty sight . . . two twins stuck on an elevator in downtown New York City during a heat wave.  I actually would feel sorry for anyone stuck with us.  First, we would chat them up until their eyes glazed over.  Since both of us are social workers and psychotherapists we can find lots to talk about in someone’s family history – whether they want to or not.

Then we would move on to solving the world’s problems which could keep us entertained for hours.  We could also try and learn how to work our fancy IPhones since we would have lots of uninterrupted time.  I don’t know if cell phones work in a NYC long, tall elevator or not.  But if they do, we could work our way down our contact lists just calling to say hello to all our old friends who are not stuck in an elevator.  By the time we’re done with all that, the NYC fire department would be a very welcome sight . . .  for both us and our fellow elevator hostages.

So off to pack up those bags for another East Coast adventure.  Have a wonderful festive July 4th holiday week.  Just don’t get on those subways or elevators – stick to the yellow cabs!

 

 

 

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What Do People Hear? 7 Tips to Say It

It’s not what we say but rather what people hear.  And I love this picture for showing us the power of non-verbal communication.  Both this little girl and delightful dog are communicating with not a word between them.  But they know what they both are saying . . . “I see you and I care about you”.

What people hear – not the words said – is what makes communication so challenging.  How often we find ourselves saying “But I told him!”  And then he says “But that’s not what I heard!”  Sounds familiar?!  But how do we fine-tune those communication skills?

So here’s the answer . . . use language (verbal or non-verbal) that accurately conveys what you want the other person to hear and understand.  Sounds simple but it actually takes self-awareness, empathy and on-going practice to develop these strong and effective communication skills.  The benefit? You will find that you will be less stressed, more focused and able to minimize unnecessary work when interpersonal communication is flowing smoothly.

7 Tips to Use Your Words More Effectively

Here are some ideas that I introduce in my communication workshops that can work very well for structuring positive, powerful communication.  Now go ahead and  add your own – you have learned and know what works best for you.

  1. Use Phrases That Subtly Open Up Options
  2. Use Phrases That Emphasize Commonality
  3. Use the Word “We” Rather Than “You”
  4. Chose Words That Normalize Issues & Concerns
  5. Avoid Phrases That Escalate or Dramatize the Issue
  6. Avoid Phrases That Back Someone in the Corner
  7. Watch Yourself:  Be Aware of Automatic Thoughts & Distorted Thinking

And More Ideas . . . 

Here is the icing on the cake . . . time proven tips that participants in my recent workshop “Communication That Builds Bridges” sent me just last week.

  • Always start with a smile
  • Use “and” instead of “but”
  • Look for the right time and place to talk
  • Know your desired outcome
  • Appreciate the other person’s perspective & opinion
  • Always use professional courtesy (please & thank you)
  • Slow Down!

Bottom line is taking the time to think before you speak; while you’re speaking and after you speak.  Let me know how it is working for you and how I can help you fine tune these valuable professional skills.

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Dogs Sit in the Front Row of Life

I had to look twice!  It was early evening on a beautiful warm night in Greece.  And here are two doggie pals sitting together on the tin roof of a house along the main street of Amadaoli, Crete. Would they slide off?  Nope.

They were perfectly content to watch the action down below on the street and when something really exciting happened (like their Greek Orthodox priest owner coming home) they would dash down to the first floor barking wildly to greet him.  After taking care of that task, they would scurry back up to the roof to take their front row seat again and resume watching the tourists, party-goers and Global Volunteers (that’s us) returning home from our day of work.  It was the best seat in the house – they didn’t miss anything and were right in the middle of the action.  Why don’t we all do that?

It’s Simply a Habit – Hiding in the Back Row

Every evening they were there . . . and I had to think they certainly had the right idea.  They were positioning themselves to be right in on the action.  Sitting in the front seat of life not hiding in the back row.  How often do we figuratively sit in the back and avoid being front and center.  We find lots of reasons to do that . . . it’s our personality; the situation isn’t right; it’s too risky, etc.  But it’s actually simply habit.  We simply go to that comfort zone and default to pushing the “No, I don’t think so” button over and over again.

But what does that get us?  Not very far and probably a bit bored.  Yes, it’s comfortable and there are no surprises.  And that’s the problem . . . it’s very, very comfortable and there are no changes, challenges or opportunities to stretch our wings.

How’s It Working For You? 

Sitting in the back row of life may have worked just fine for you over these last few years.  But is it working now?  Is it getting you to where you want to be next?  For many of us, that answer would probably be no.  So I encourage you to move up a row or two – stretch that comfort zone until you’re sitting in the front seat of life like the doggie pals sitting on the roof.  And I bet they are still there too!

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Push That “Yes” Button!

It was a small boat in a small town on the eastern shore of Crete. The winds were up and the water was rough. The regular tourist boats were closed due to the May 1st holiday but our taxi cab driver (in a pink tie & driving a Mercedes) had a “friend” who had a boat to ferry people out to the famous island of Spinalogue, an old leper colony and one time prison.

Did we want to go?  My adventurous twin sister, Diane, said “of course” as I was still contemplating a cappuccino in a cozy tavern on the shore.  But that’s Diane . . . she has always been the one to push the “Yes” button before me.  And I’m so glad she does! We’ve had the best experiences over the years including on this special holiday seeing this piece of history from the sparkling blue waters off Crete.

One of our wonderful Canadian team members, Sheila Davis, embraced this idea and became our inspiration.  She is more fun, full of life and certainly is willing to say “yes” to anything anywhere.  I’ll travel with her anytime!

Saying “No” Becomes a Boring Habit

It’s interesting how easy it is to get in the habit of just saying “No” to new things especially when they change up our normal daily routines or stretch our cozy comfort zones.  We are quick to think of why it’s not a good idea . . . and much slower to think why it may be a good (even great) idea.  It actually becomes a habit – saying no before we even really think about it.

But what does that kind of automatic response do for us?  Not much.  Sure, life rolls on very safe, comfortable and (dare I say) a tad bit boring.  And we can find ourselves saying afterwards “Gee, I wish I had done that”.  But we can if we get out of our own way and let those adventures in.

Building Your Resiliency Skills & Your Career

Challenging yourself to stretch, grow and learn benefits not only you personally (you’re much more interesting) but also your career.  By using those adaptive, change muscles regularly you will be pleasantly surprised how much more resilient you are during times of significant change.  You have that inner confidence and knowledge that you can be flexible, creative and adaptable.  It actually very empowering – a real boost.

Make “Yes” Your Default Button 

So my challenge to you is to make “Yes” your default button.  Yes, default to yes as often as you can.  It will take some practice to say “yes” first to new opportunities unless you can think of some really good reasons to say “no”.  Now I’m not saying to do anything so wild and crazy that it’s foolish or unsafe.  I’m talking about just adding a bit of spice and adventure to your life.  Let me know how you do and then we can plan our next great adventure!

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