Category Archives: Kit’s Tips

What Are You Really Saying?

The Power of Non-Verbal Communication

Wild HorseDid you ever wonder why you and your boss, colleagues or direct reports Horse seem to misunderstand each other so often? Everyone thinks they are being perfectly clear in their communication but still there are disconnects. We find ourselves saying “But I thought you meant . . .”

Often these disconnects arise from a misunderstanding between what we say verbally and what we are saying non-verbally. And research has always shown that our non-verbal body language is far more important to effective communication than our verbal words – about 93%!

Here’s where we can learn a lot from horses. Annette Miller helps us understand that horses are acutely aware of their surroundings because they are prey animals. Since humans are perceived as predators, horses react to our attitudes, behaviors and feelings immediately. By instinct they are very accurate in reading our body language and therefore able to give us immediate feedback to what we are actually communicating to one another.

Now most of us don’t have a horse easily available to us to practice on . . . so if you think that your non-verbal body language has gotten a bit sloppy over the years practice these three simple tried and true behaviors every day all day. They are magic!

  1. Maintain friendly eye contact – this connects you with the other person.
  2. Stop talking and really listen – this is the only way to really understand.
  3. Smile – it says more than any words.

 

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Don’t Wait to Learn From Each Other

It’s the end of June and retirement parties are happening all over town. They are festive events for the pending “retiree” (who can’t stop smiling) but not everyone feels the same way. Often, the managers, department heads and team leaders are suddenly realizing that a wealth of expertise, experience and history is walking right out their door. As leaders tell me, “it’s a tsunami” of baby boomers retiring and for the most part the remaining leadership is totally unprepared to fill these gaps in the short or long run.

So what can you as a leader do? Build relationships now! Don’t wait. The single most effective initiative you can take in your organization is to ensure that the four generations (Traditionalists, Baby Boomers, Generation X and Millennials) have regular opportunities to connect with one another, to collaborate on projects and therefore to learn “up & down” the generations. Challenge your employees/colleagues to tap into each other’s wisdom, knowing that each generation is bringing different strengths and gifts to the workplace and ultimately for the benefit of your company. After all, they were hired by your company to do just that.

It’s tempting to stay with what we are most comfortable with – to work in silos. You as a leader have the responsibility and opportunity to create a “multi-generational learning environment” for the benefit of all. Give them an opportunity to work and learn from each other. Try it!

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Double-Check Your Assumptions: Are They Accurate?

It happens all the time to all of us. We think we know what someone else is communicating to us – in fact we are sure of it – only to learn that what we were thinking was actually not at all what the other person intended to communicate.

As an executive leadership coach, I see these disconnects all the time. And these communication disconnects almost always revolve around inaccurate assumptions which lead to unrealistic expectations on both sides.

So here’s a simple tip that can save you hours of wasted work, worry and even damaged relationships. Before you speak, slow down and ask yourself:

  • “What assumption am I making here?”

Be honest. It’s a simple question but it encourages you to step back and double-check if you have all the information you need and is this information really accurate or are you just “assuming” you know.

And quite naturally, mutual expectations flow out of these assumptions. Think of the last time you worked on a project team that there was a question about who is going to do what. That’s a classic situation of everyone making assumptions and therefore having expectations of each other based on those assumptions.

As a leader, you can minimize these kinds of disconnects and possible conflict by simply double-checking your assumptions. I also like to remind myself that for the most part people really want to do a good job – and they think they are doing what has been asked. So when there is a communication problem it often is because I made assumptions that weren’t accurate. A simple mistake that’s actually quite easy to avoid. Try it!

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Being EQ Smart is 80% of Leadership

Are you eager to take your career to a new more fulfilling level? Since the early 1990’s, research has consistently shown that being EQ smart is twice as important an ingredient of outstanding leadership performance as both ability and technical skill combined. And the higher you go up in your organization, the more important EQ is. At the highest leadership levels, EQ accounts for almost 85% – 90% of a leader’s success! So, if you are ready to fast-forward your professional career, think carefully about your own emotional intelligence – how would you rate yourself?

Here’s where you start . . . become a master of self-awareness. Know what you are feeling and why throughout the day. Teach yourself to check-in with your emotions several times a day. Know when you are feeling frustrated, angry, pleased or discouraged and why. The “why” can be difficult to identify but that is key to choosing how you will respond. You are in control and that ultimately works in your favor. Don’t let yourself be blindsided and/or let yourself be “emotionally hijacked”.

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The Secret to Knowing Your Own Talents

It’s actually easier than we think. A natural talent is the way we think, act or behave that comes easily to us with genuine enjoyment.

It’s almost like “second nature”.

Ask yourself these five powerful “what” questions and then confirm your answers by simply watching yourself when you are the happiest and “at your best”. The answers are right there in front of you.

  1. What do I gravitate toward?
  2. What appeals to me spontaneously?
  3. What comes easily to me?
  4. What attracts others to me? What do they say about my talents?
  5. What do I genuinely enjoy doing? Who do I enjoy being?

And our natural talents often have a central theme to them – like a red thread running through them. The next step of clarifying this theme(s) will be the single most important work you can do for yourself as you are growing and developing your professional career.

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