Tag Archives: communication

Emotional Intelligence 2.0

Emotional Intelligence 2.0, 2009, Travis Bradberry & Jean Greaves, Talent Smart, San Diego, California. 

This book is a bit different. Although, I have a whole library of books on social & emotional intelligence very few offer concrete action steps on how to improve the various elements of emotional intelligence. The Talent Smart team has done that nicely in this small purse sized book. It is filled with great and very practical suggestions on what each of us can do on a daily basis to practice these competencies. Pick it up and just select one area for yourself per day to practice. You will be delightfully surprised how well you begin mastering these skills.

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Practice Flexing Your Communication Style

How flexible are you . . . really?  It’s easy to get along with people who think and act the way we do but about 75% of people behave quite differently than us.  The ability to positively relate to different people styles is critical to your career success especially the higher you go in your company.  Because people problems are so prevalent in the workplace, you have the opportunity to establish a reputation that is highly valued – you can get along with people.  You take the initiative to make it easier for others to connect, communicate and cooperate with you.  And you do it by practicing flexing your own personality style.  Here’s how to start . . .

  • First, practice the “basic flex” which is treating others the way we all want to be treated – with kindness and respect.  This is basic to all personal interactions and essential for communicating with anyone.
  • Second, practice “style flex” which is adjusting your own behavior style to create a rapport and to open up communication with another person.  This requires you to know your own style well and to be willing to temporarily flex it to make the interaction more comfortable for the other person. The ability to do this consistently requires a high degree of self-awareness and empathy –  key social & emotional intelligence competencies.

Now, I can hear you protesting a bit . . . “why should I have to be the one who changes?” I would suggest that it is simply easier.  We all know that we really can’t change other people significantly and we just get frustrated and angry waiting for them to change on their own.  But with some agility on our part and an authentic willingness to work with others, we can and will bring great value to our employers and to our own professional well-being as well.  Try it!

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People Styles at Work . . . and Beyond

People Styles at Work . . . and Beyond, 2nd Edition, 2009, by Robert Bolton & Dorothy Grover Bolton, AMACOM American Management Association, New York, New York.

I always find books on differences in personality styles fascinating and this one is no exception. The Bolton authors have developed a simple but powerful four quadrant model to help us identify our own behavioral styles both in our daily work and personal lives. There is a great chapter in how to “flex” our styles while still being true to ourselves but also engaging the best of others. And we can’t forget that this is what brings enduring value to our employers – being able to authentically connect, communicate and collaborate with others. It’s a great book for all of us!

 

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Key Questions: The Who, What, When & Why of Your Audience

This is a hard lesson to learn. But ask any experienced public speaker and they will tell you a story (or several) of a presentation that flopped because they didn’t know the real needs of the audience or maybe even who the audience was going to be. Sound familiar?

We can’t skip this step ever. Even if the organization asking you to speak is in a hurry and tells you “just talk about anything” don’t do it! You must know who will be listening to you, what their needs are and what they are expecting from you. Here are the classic Who, What, When & Why questions to ask about your audience.

  • Who is the audience? (numbers, professions, age/gender)
  • What outcome does the audience (and the organization) want to walk away with?
  • When is the presentation? (time of day, over a meal, with other speakers, or?)
  • Why is the group meeting? (entertainment, learning, continuing education credit, or?)

Once you know these answers, you can begin designing your presentation with confidence. Need more? Check into my upcoming tele-seminar starting in January. Love to have you!

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What Are You Really Saying?

The Power of Non-Verbal Communication

Wild HorseDid you ever wonder why you and your boss, colleagues or direct reports Horse seem to misunderstand each other so often? Everyone thinks they are being perfectly clear in their communication but still there are disconnects. We find ourselves saying “But I thought you meant . . .”

Often these disconnects arise from a misunderstanding between what we say verbally and what we are saying non-verbally. And research has always shown that our non-verbal body language is far more important to effective communication than our verbal words – about 93%!

Here’s where we can learn a lot from horses. Annette Miller helps us understand that horses are acutely aware of their surroundings because they are prey animals. Since humans are perceived as predators, horses react to our attitudes, behaviors and feelings immediately. By instinct they are very accurate in reading our body language and therefore able to give us immediate feedback to what we are actually communicating to one another.

Now most of us don’t have a horse easily available to us to practice on . . . so if you think that your non-verbal body language has gotten a bit sloppy over the years practice these three simple tried and true behaviors every day all day. They are magic!

  1. Maintain friendly eye contact – this connects you with the other person.
  2. Stop talking and really listen – this is the only way to really understand.
  3. Smile – it says more than any words.

 

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