Tag Archives: Relationships

Double-Check Your Assumptions: Are They Accurate?

It happens all the time to all of us. We think we know what someone else is communicating to us – in fact we are sure of it – only to learn that what we were thinking was actually not at all what the other person intended to communicate.

As an executive leadership coach, I see these disconnects all the time. And these communication disconnects almost always revolve around inaccurate assumptions which lead to unrealistic expectations on both sides.

So here’s a simple tip that can save you hours of wasted work, worry and even damaged relationships. Before you speak, slow down and ask yourself:

  • “What assumption am I making here?”

Be honest. It’s a simple question but it encourages you to step back and double-check if you have all the information you need and is this information really accurate or are you just “assuming” you know.

And quite naturally, mutual expectations flow out of these assumptions. Think of the last time you worked on a project team that there was a question about who is going to do what. That’s a classic situation of everyone making assumptions and therefore having expectations of each other based on those assumptions.

As a leader, you can minimize these kinds of disconnects and possible conflict by simply double-checking your assumptions. I also like to remind myself that for the most part people really want to do a good job – and they think they are doing what has been asked. So when there is a communication problem it often is because I made assumptions that weren’t accurate. A simple mistake that’s actually quite easy to avoid. Try it!

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Get Noticed…Get Referrals

Get Noticed . . . Get Referrals: Build Your Client Base and Your Business by Making a Name for Yourself, by Jill Lublin, McGraw Hill, 2008.

Lublin is a master at helping business owners like us build our businesses through the art of nurturing relationships and encouraging referrals.

She brings a wonderful energy and a wealth of experience to her workshops and books. I had the opportunity to travel to the California wine country to take one of her courses with my colleague and media extraordinaire, Judith Harlan. We both took away a huge amount of information to apply to our businesses and a bottle or two of wine tucked in the back seat.

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Patience in the Rain

Have you ever come across a faithful dog waiting in the rain for its owner to return? We feel sorry for the loyal dog, but the message is a great reminder.  Over the years we work in teams, committees and projects with many, many people.  And as we move around the country or overseas we also live with many other people in different living situations and a variety of communities. If we are wise, we nurture the best of these relationships faithfully.  We know as we continue to grow in our careers we need and want a supportive professional network of friends and colleagues that we can call in the good and bad times.

In short, we share a history together and a mutual respect for our diverse talents, skills, expertise and experiences. So when times get tough and the rain is pouring down, we know that each of us has each other’s back and we can wait in the rain for a bit.  And at the end of the day, that’s all that counts – as well as our faithful four legged friends.

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Enchantment

Enchantment: The Art of Changing Hearts, Minds, and Actions, by Guy Kawasaki, 2011.

Is it possible to convince people to dream the same dream that you do and then to inspire them to invest their hearts, souls & actions into making that dream a reality? That’s tough for any experienced leader to do.

But Kawasaki tackles this challenge in a most unique way. He believes that any of us can “enchant others” into making positive, sustainable changes in their own lives and in our global world. Examples include initiating a major social change, launching an innovative product or taking your company to that next profitable level.

Is that too unrealistic? Maybe not . . . as I read further, I realized that this is exactly what great world leaders and the most successful entrepreneurs do – they enchant others to believe in causes bigger than themselves. And we all benefit as a result. It’s a fascinating book!

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Be Enchanting – Learn How to Smile Like George Clooney

The first step to enchanting anyone is “likeability”. Coming across as a grumpy old man too tired to learn new tricks (now that’s a personal brand no one wants) is not going to help you enchant anyone to go over and beyond. Instead, we need to ensure that people like us and we start with the most basic skill – smiling.

Try to smile like George Clooney. He has a smile that radiates from his eyes. Yes, the muscle surrounding our eyes is called the orbicularis oculi muscle and this muscle is what squeezes together to create those crow’s feet or laugh lines (as my sister calls them). A smile that uses all of these eye muscles has its own name – the Duchenne Smile – named after Guillaume Duchenne, a French neurologist.—

It’s actually not hard to have a radiating smile if you practice this simple tip – as you are walking into a room this holiday season think about some pleasant memory or upcoming fun plans. Let yourself dwell on those thoughts to give yourself that nice lift. Now keep them in mind and let your smile shine through!

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